Tag Archives: threenager

I’ve reached that stage in life…

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I’ve reached that stage in life where I am ridiculously excited about the cordless stick vacuum I bought that came today and I can’t wait to give it a whirl tomorrow.

Yes…. that’s my life.

Someone come take me out for Starbucks…. 😂

#momlife

Things that kids say….

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-“Mommy, what’s that over there, is that a mailbox?”

-“No, honey, it’s a porta potty…”

-“What’s that?”

-“Well, it’s for people who are outside working or can’t get inside to use the restroom for some reason. Basically it’s a tiny plastic potty filled with poop that’s been baking in the Texas sun all day…. they’re really gross and you should only use one if you have no other choice.”

-“oh…… I REALLY want to poop in one someday….”

#toddlerlifegoals

Things kids say…

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Tatum: “Can I have a chocolate donut, mom?”

-Me: “No, Tatum, you chose a lollipop for after dinner. You can have a donut for breakfast.”

-Silence from the backseat….

-Tatum: “Can I have breakfast, Mom?”

#thinkingahead #noyoumaynot #dontworkmeoverkid

Actual texts to my spouse…

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Actual texts to Wade:

Ask me about how, in the span of three minutes TOPS, Tatum (after I specifically warned her not to) gives her 10.5 month old baby brother a chocolate chip granola bar and it looks like the granola/chocolate factory exploded in a 5 ft circle around my son. How CAN that much mess come from one measly granola bar?!?

Also, how can that much drama result from me calmly telling my daughter to please not try to kill her brother with said granola bar?

On second thought, maybe you better not ask me about all this… I think I still have PTSD from it. 😂🙄😡🤦‍♀️

Notes from an ordinary Wednesday

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Notes from an ordinary Wednesday…

-Tatum after going through her goody bag from the dentist on Monday: “Are you SERIOUS right now? I can’t believe they gave me THIS toothpaste. *big sigh/eye roll* I don’t LIKE this toothpaste…. are you for REAL?!?”

-“Mommy, can I have an Oreo for breakfast?”….. “After you eat a whole banana, you can have one Oreo”….. “Tell you what, Mommy, how about TWO.”

-Tatum running down the hall to use the bathroom (which is currently occupied by Grandpa taking a shower but I guess he forgot to lock the door)… *major giggles* “GRANDPA IS NEKKID!!!!!” Whoops….. sorry grandpa! 😱🤭

-Wyatt at dinner at Texas Roadhouse….. “Man, he’s turned into such a super grabby kid, you wouldn’t believe how quick he is!!!” while I set him in a high chair and in a split second he grabs an entire bucket of peanuts and dumps them all over himself…… guess he’s not allergic to peanuts…. 😂🤦‍♀️

“What, you wanted these to STAY folded?”

Nerd dog made another appearance at obedience school today, so there’s that…

Oh, and my in-laws brought back a crap ton of chocolate from France, so I’ll see y’all in a couple days or about 20 extra pounds, whichever comes first! 😂

Parenting is hard…

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Parenting is hard…. super hard, ridiculously hard, but the hardest part of parenting?

Not laughing when your kid does or says something totally inappropriate or hilarious, because you CAN’T.

You CAN’T laugh, crack a smile, show any sign of weakness, do ANYTHING except keep that stone face mug with eyes trained directly forward, like NOTHING HAPPENED.  Because if you do, if you show any sign at ALL that you thought that was even REMOTELY amusing, they’ll do it again….. and again and again and again.

They’re watching you…..  ALWAYS watching.

Case in point:

You’re driving home from dinner with Granddaddy and the two kids in the car.  Your 3.5 year old daughter starts singing “Uptown Funk”, however because she’s 3.5 years old, she’s conspicuously leaving out the “n” in “Funk”.

Hilarious….. but not good.

So you manage the stone face, you don’t crack. You’re in amazement at your self control.

Then your dad (Granddaddy) starts laughing….. and it’s all over.  You can’t hold it in anymore.  It’s funny, and you’re laughing, and now you’re truly screwed.

Fast forward to today, your husband takes said 3.5 year old into the grocery store to grab a couple things while you wait in the car.  He comes back with a funny look on his face, and he says “Tatum was singing a rather…… inappropriate….. song in the grocery store.  Not sure what it was.  Tatum, what was that song again?”

“Uptown Funk?” I supply helpfully.  “Without the ‘N’?”

Oh…. yeah….. that was it.